


Letting Go

by JTHM_Michi



Series: Stalking Verse aka Earth AU [2]
Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Prequel Trilogy, Star Wars: The Clone Wars (2008) - All Media Types
Genre: Families of Choice, Gen, Loss of Limbs
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-21
Updated: 2016-06-21
Packaged: 2018-07-16 11:33:12
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,347
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7266475
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JTHM_Michi/pseuds/JTHM_Michi
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It is almost time for Ahsoka's senior prom and the universe decides it's time for Anakin to loose a limb. The sequel to 'Stalking is Such a Harsh Word' cleaned up to be posted to AO3.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Letting Go

“You going to prom?” Anakin asked as he cracked open an egg to add to the sizzling pan on the stove.  She handed him the bowl of chopped up scallions and crushed walnuts, taking a handful of the walnuts to shove in her mouth.

“Not really my scene.” She responded and dodged the swat he aimed at the back of her head.

“Not what I asked.” He said and sprinkled the mixture of salt, pepper, and dried red peppers that Ahsoka had mixed earlier over the pan.

“No.” She said simply and left it at that. Anakin hummed at her and poured some of Padme’s red wine into the pan, until everything was submerged. He stirred the contents around, sprinkling more spices into it, before he moved to check on the pie in the oven.

She and Barriss had planned to go to their senior prom together since they were 13. They were going to wear matching dresses and do their makeup the same, pool their money to get a limo, and if they had girlfriends or boyfriends they’d make sure they matched each other too. They were going to go in green and red colors, simple dresses with sleeves just in case Ahsoka had bruises.

But she and Barriss haven’t spoken to each other since her suspension in sophomore year and Ahsoka doesn’t want to go to prom by herself. Rex offered to take her but she didn’t want that either – didn’t want him always acting like he had to help her out or go out of his way to make things better for her. He shouldn’t have to go to prom with someone who won’t even kiss him or slow dance with him, what would be the point of that?

“Did you go to your senior prom?” Ahsoka asked, turning her mind away from the past. Anakin put a lid onto the pan and set the microwave timer.

“My school didn’t have things like that. The village all got together and threw us a celebration feast though, that was the only thing considered ‘appropriate’ since there were more girls in our class than boys.” He responded.

“Oh.” Ahsoka said lamely. She’d forgotten, again, that he grew up in the Middle East.

 “You have that look on your face again.” Anakin said, grinning at her. Ahsoka stuck her tongue out at him.

“I was just wondering if you even know how to dance or was that considered too scandalous for you?” She asked teasingly. He laughed.

“I recall asking something similar once upon a time.” Padme said as she came into the kitchen, setting her briefcase onto the island counter that held the car keys and mail divider. Anakin moved to give her a peck on the check and she seemed to light up at his touch – the tired slump of her shoulders left her, her eyes brightened, and she beamed at him like she hadn’t seen him for days. It was disgustingly adorable.

“And now you know that I can, in fact, dance.” Anakin said, obediently lowering his head so Padme could press a kiss to his forehead. The fact that they didn’t have a gaggle of children around really was the best proof that condoms did in fact work – and now she needed to think about anything else, because EWWW.

“So, what, she taught you how to?” Ahsoka asked, desperate to get the conversation back onto track. She needed brain bleach.

“Oh, no, I knew how to dance when I came to the states. Like, not club dancing because I didn’t grow up in the capital or any of the big cities so there were no clubs for me to sneak into, but all the kids in my village danced with each other and went on dates and stuff. It’s not like I grew up under the Taliban or something where we weren’t even allowed to touch members of the opposite sex once we were past a certain age. My mother’s generation had way stricter ethical guidelines than we did, but she didn’t adhere to them by the time I was in the picture.” Anakin explained easily.

She wondered what that would have been like, to grow up as the generation that got to experience a little more freedom. Anakin talked about his childhood sometimes, usually when she had questions about the conflict in the Middle East or Islam and he was explaining something to her, but overall she didn’t know all that much about it. She could piece together enough to know that he lived in a small village in the middle of nowhere (“It was surrounded by mountains, caves, sand, goats, more sand, and regret.”) raised by his mother and she’d never heard him talk about a father so maybe he was dead already? She didn’t think a single mother would have been able to raise her child alone, but what did she know about it really? Hell, maybe his father was alive and they just didn’t get along?

(Maybe there was a reason he knew what her situation was even when no other adult had guessed it. Maybe there was a reason he reached out to her, other than pity or curiosity. Or maybe she’s thinking too much about it.)

The front door slammed closed in the telltale way that meant Obi-Wan was home and probably had his hands full.

“Can someone get this bag of rice from me before our rug ends up way more decorative than usual?” Obi-Wan called out, sounding rueful in the way he only did when he came home and kicked the door too hard to close it. Ahsoka ran out to help him.

Obi-Wan was the last of them to come home on paydays, usually because he was the one that remembered the grocery list and made sure to stop by a store to grab anything they needed. He also detested that his designated parking space was a few spaces away from the front door so he always tried to get everything into the house in one run, which made him look like some deranged hoarder with everything he owned strapped to his back and arms. She can still remember the time he slipped on ice and cracked the eggs last Christmas – he had come into the house looking like a disgruntled wet dog, it was hilarious.

“Holy shit was there a sale on our rice, that’s a huge bag.” Ahsoka said as she grabbed the truly massive (and heavy,  _Jesus_ ) bag from him – the damn thing must have weighed as much as she did! Obi-Wan rearranged the other bags he was carrying and followed after her into the kitchen.

“I’d say there’s no way we could ever eat that much rice, but…” Padme said, shooting Anakin a sly smile.

“I’m hardly the only one in this house that likes rice.” Anakin protested, pouting at her. Ahsoka put the bag onto a nearby counter. They put their rice into a huge food storage container; it was basically a medium trash can with an airtight lid, because they really do go through a lot of it. Though even this bag would last them a while, talk about overkill.

“It was sixteen bucks on sale, I couldn’t resist, and that should at least last us for a while.” Obi-Wan said as he sorted out the rest of the groceries while Ahsoka hunted through the junk drawer for a pair of scissors.

“Hey, did either of you go to your senior proms?” Anakin asked offhand. Padme took off the lid of their rice container while Ahsoka heaved the bag up to pour it out.

“I did – went with a bunch of friends and had a decent enough time, I suppose. It wasn’t particularly memorable, in all honesty.” Obi-Wan said. Ahsoka found that answer to be just like him – boring, standard, and way too true.

“I didn’t go to mine; I was cramming for a test that night I think. My senior year was half high school and half college so I remember studying all the time.” Padme said, laughing.

“Of course you were an overachiever.” Ahsoka teased Padme, who shrugged good-naturedly. Padme snapped the container closed while Ahsoka folded the bag up to throw out.

“Are you not going to your prom, Ahsoka?” Obi-Wan asked. The microwave dinged and Ahsoka pulled out the milk and juice to set them on the table. Anakin grabbed the plates and silverware while Ahsoka answered Obi-Wan.

“Yeah, that’s not really my scene. Besides, I’d be a third or fourth wheel for everyone. Rex and Cody are going with their girlfriend and her best friend and Lux and his girlfriend are treating this like their wedding so that’s out.”

“If that’s what you want.” Anakin said and served the dinner up.

* * *

Ahsoka’s parents met in high school. Her mother was a theater kid and her father was a band geek of all things. They often went on joint field trips and overnighters, started dating in their sophomore year, and were each other’s dates for their senior prom. Her mother wore a dark blue dress with elbow length sleeves to her senior prom. Ahsoka knows because she’s seen the photo of them that night – her mother smiling and her father beaming, his arm around her waist. The corsage her father wore matched her dress.

They looked so happy.

* * *

 

Ahsoka’s phone vibrated in her pocket as a classmate was reading from  _Grendel._  She discreetly pulled it out, expecting a text from Cody about whether they were going off campus for lunch, but it wasn’t Cody.

It was Padme and she was  _calling_  her. Padme never called her at school. She stood up quickly, ignoring her teacher’s feeble attempts at getting her to sit back down, and rushed into the hallway to answer.

“Padme, what’s wrong?” She asked in a rush the second she was outside the classroom. Her voice was a touch too loud in the empty corridor, echoing off the lockers.

“I’m so sorry to call you at school, Ahsoka, but I wasn’t sure if the office would even tell you since we have no claim over you, not really. I’m at Metro United right now, there’s been an accident at Anakin’s work – he’s in surgery right now and…Snips, they have to amputate his arm.” Padme said, frantic and she was crying.

Ahsoka felt herself fall back against the wall behind her, a cold rush of horror cascading down her body and settling in her belly. Anakin’s arm – Jesus, he was an engineer, he needed his hands.

“Is he alright otherwise?” She heard herself ask, her voice robotic and flat. What could have happened to make them have to take off one of Anakin’s arms?

“There’s some burning on his shoulder and chest and – he hit his head pretty badly when the accident happened, there was some concern over possible swelling but they haven’t told me if they took care of it or not.” Padme said, gasping through the explanation. Ahsoka’s nose burned and her vision blurred – Anakin’s  _arm_ , Jesus Christ.

“I – I can be there in about twenty minutes.” And again her mouth talked without her permission, saying things she wasn’t sure about. She didn’t have a car and she couldn’t ask Cody or Rex to leave school to take her to the hospital. How was she planning on getting there? Running would take her at least an hour.

“I don’t want to make you leave school if it’s – “

“I’ll be there in twenty minutes, there’s a bus. Family emergencies mean I can leave school.” Ahsoka said and hung up, not able to handle hearing Padme sound so wrecked.

There was a bus, now that she thought about it. On fourth and Kirk’s, it ran every twenty minutes or so and if she grabbed her stuff and ran, she should be able to make it there soon. She hurried back into the classroom in a daze, hitting a desk near the door in her rush to grab her books and bag. She said something to her teacher, hopefully something along the lines of ‘family emergency’ but possibly just ‘I have to go’.

It was the most surreal bus ride she’s ever taken, even accounting for all the times she’d ran to Anakin and Padme’s place after her father had hit her or thrown something at her. The world came to her in a watery filter and it took her a few strange looks before she realized that the filter was from her tears. She wiped at her face and hoped she didn’t look too messed up – she’s sure her mascara was a ruined mess, she really should buy waterproof. That would also mean she wouldn’t have to wash her face off before soccer practice or exercise so really it’s a win-win situation.

What the fuck was wrong with her that she was thinking of makeup at a time like this? Anakin was still in surgery, Padme was freaking out, and she was concerned about her mascara?

She got off at Metro and ran across the parking lot to the emergency entrance. It didn’t take long to locate Padme, she didn’t even have to get out her phone to call her, Metro was such a small hospital. Padme was pale and shaking in a cheap plastic chair, holding a cup of something that most likely had gone cold long ago. She was still in her work clothes, her hair done up in an elaborate braid-bun and there was a run in her nylons. When the woman looked up at Ahsoka, she could see that Padme’s face was just as tear covered as hers no doubt was and her eyes were blank.

Ahsoka sat down and pulled Padme into her arms.

That night passes in a strange way – it seems at once too long and too short of a night, filled with terror and anger and sadness. Ahsoka doesn’t think she’ll ever forget the way Padme looked at Anakin in that hospital bed, unconscious with his left arm below the elbow missing, the way she touched his face and leaned down to press their foreheads together for a few long seconds. The way Padme pressed a kiss to his brow before finally pulling back and pulling a chair up to collapse into.

Ahsoka wondered if she’d ever find anyone who looked at her like that, who loved her like that.

* * *

 

Anakin comes home five days after his surgery.

Ahsoka goes home ahead of everyone and bakes Nokhodchi cookies, because Anakin loves them and he taught her how to make them from scratch. It was the first recipe he taught her how to make and she wants to do something nice for his first day home. She overbakes them though, because she always does, and they come out with burnt edges.

She doesn’t cry in the kitchen over them, because that would be ridiculous and Ahsoka is not ridiculous. She doesn’t hunch over the island, hand over her mouth, and cry and  _cry_  because Anakin doesn’t have a hand anymore and they’re already talking about prosthetics like its fine. She doesn’t remember the way Anakin looked down at the stump where his arm ended, the almost startled look on his face, and start to gasp because it’s just not fair, why does he have to lose a fucking limb while horrible people are fine and going about their lives like they didn’t do anything wrong? She doesn’t do any of those things because that would be ridiculous and Ahsoka is not ridiculous.

But if she washes her face before they come home and checks her reflection a few times before rushing to meet them at the door, no one has to know that either.

It’s…tense is good word for it. Anakin used to be the one who cooked everything and now that he only had one arm it…doesn’t really go that way. Obi-Wan and Ahsoka make the meals for the most part for a little while and she sees that it frustrates Anakin. He can’t open jars anymore without help, can’t tinker with his projects without both hands, and the back sliding door won’t open for him at all unless he calls someone to tug it open for him. (They’ve been meaning to fix it but they always forgot – it didn’t seem a big deal, before, that it stuck so that you had to use both hands to heave it open.)

Whenever it’s Padme’s turn to cook, she just orders takeout for everyone. Ahsoka’s not sure if anything is happening with Anakin’s job – is there going to be a lawsuit? Does Anakin still have a job? Is he on medical leave? She doesn’t know and is afraid to ask – if he doesn’t have an income, can they still afford to house her?

Will she have to go back to her father’s if they can’t afford her anymore? Will she ever trust anyone ever again if that happens?

She’s afraid of the answers to her questions, so she just doesn’t ask them.

* * *

 

Anakin’s first prosthetic came to the house the day of her senior prom; she thinks there’s a joke in there somewhere, and maybe after a few months she’ll be able to see it, but right then it was too fresh a wound to joke about. She helped Padme get the box into the coat closet for later – they were having a small party later that night, celebrating Anakin getting his new limb. Padme’s invited her parents and Ahsoka has promised to be in attendance.

(Anakin had been horrified that Padme’s parents were coming – apparently, Padme’s mother terrified him. It had been nice to hear him being melodramatic about something again, been nice to tease him about why Padme’s mother didn’t like him. Obi-Wan had even managed to squeeze in a few deadpan zingers before Padme had come to Anakin’s rescue. It was nice to see him getting some of his spirit back.)

Ahsoka spent the day with Rex, Cody, and Lux talking shit and letting them get their pre-prom nerves out with her. She danced with each of them, at Cody’s insistence, and they all had fun. Lux asks after Anakin and she’s so touched she actually answers honestly instead of brushing him off. Around an hour before prom was set to start, she left them to get dressed and headed home.

When she got there, an extra car was parked outside. She hovered outside, smoothing down her hair and straightening her jeans. She’d never met Padme’s parents herself and hoped to make a good impression. She took a deep breathe before she pushed the door open and bounced inside, calling out that she was home.

Mr. and Mrs. Naberrie were exactly like Ahsoka had imagined they’d be – they were dignified and held themselves like they came from money and “good breeding”. Padme’s mother wore a stunning dress that wouldn’t be out of place at a formal dinner party and her father was wearing a vest and tie. Ahsoka half expected him to have a monocle as well, just to round out the air of “distinguished gentlemen” he seemed to radiate. They were old but didn’t seem frail just yet, Mrs. Naberrie still dyed her hair a light brown and Mr. Naberrie looked like he wouldn’t be out of place on a bike. They were also polite and asked her all sorts of questions about how high school was going, what college she was planning on attending, and her possible major. She didn’t have a lot to tell them because she wasn’t even sure if she could afford to go to college or even if she wanted to, but they seemed to think this meant that she just hadn’t made up her mind about  _which_  college she wanted to attend.

She let them think that.

She wondered if her grandparents would be like this, if they’d talk about colleges and majors without even acknowledging that there was no real way she’d ever get into any of them because she couldn’t really afford any of them. She could maybe attend a JC for a semester with what she had saved up, but there was no way she could afford to dorm anywhere. If she kept the job she had at Padme’s office, she could attend the local JC as a part time student and only have to take out loans for renting an apartment nearby and food. But even with that, she’d come out of it in debt.

She didn’t tell them any of that though, because she strongly suspected they didn’t want to hear it.

Dinner was spent mostly talking about the food and how well Obi-Wan had done making it. Anakin said that the first thing he was going to do with his new prosthetic was re-learn how to cook so they didn’t all starve and Obi-Wan acted offended over the insult to his cooking. Padme joked that she couldn’t wait to not have to order so much take out anymore, said she was getting fat, and Ahsoka found that so ridiculous she almost spewed her juice all over the table from laughing.

After dinner was done and the dishes were put into the sink, they all went out into the living room. Ahsoka was shocked to find that Padme had actually gift wrapped the arm.

“Oh, wow, a gift? All for me, I hope I like it!” Anakin joked, pulling Padme close to kiss her check.

“Me too.” She replied and sat next to him on the couch as he started to pull the plain green paper off. The arm came in a simple case, like an instrument case, and when Anakin opened it Ahsoka held her breath, though she wasn’t sure why. Obi-Wan looked equally poised for something and when she looked at Mr. and Mrs. Naberrie she thought they looked… apprehensive, perhaps?

“Padme…”Anakin said quietly and he turned to look at her with wide eyes. Ahsoka frowned, confused.

And then Padme shifted until she was kneeling in front of Anakin and suddenly it all clicked in Ahsoka’s mind. Her jaw dropped.

“Ani, we’ve been together for six years, can you believe that? When I first met you, I knew you were something special. When we became friends and marched together, went to protests together, you did everything you could to keep me safe. You even got arrested for me once. You’ve seen me at my highest point and at my lowest and I’ve seen you at yours too. I have never loved anyone the way I love you, never trusted anyone as much as I trust you. We’ve been together for six years and those have been the happiest years of my life, the most fulfilling years of my life, and I want to continue being this happy forever. Anakin Skywalker, will you marry me?”

Anakin looked gob smacked, mouth open in utter shock. He nodded and leaned forward, kissing her. Ahsoka shot out of her seat with a cheer, jumping in place a few times, before she bounded over to Obi-Wan to yank him up and hug him. He laughed and hugged her back. Padme’s parents got pulled into a hug too and by that time, Anakin and Padme were no longer kissing but still wrapped in each other, her hands on his face, stroking his cheeks softly.

When Anakin put on the prosthetic, Ahsoka could see the ring on its finger. She grinned at it goofily whenever she saw it for the rest of the night. Anakin hadn’t stopped smiling since he pulled away from Padme and it was a long time before any of them stopped congratulating them.

* * *

 

She graduates high school on a sunny day. She walks with Rex and doesn’t have any clue who the Valedictorian is and doesn’t care, doesn’t even listen to the no doubt contrived speech given, and when she’s handed her degree she has a surreal moment of realizing that she is alive. She walks back to her seat next to Rex and thinks that she’s here, alive, graduating high school and there’s not a bruise on her body. There was a time in her life when she didn’t think that was a possibility, that she might be dead before she graduates, that her father might have hit her too hard or kicked her too much or shoved her down just right to hit the edge of a table just so.

She is alive and she is a high school graduate. She is alive and she hasn’t lived with her father in almost four years, hasn’t seen him in three. She tilts her head up to the sky and feels the sun sink into her skin, hears the ceremony go on around her, and breaths.

She’s going to go to college. She’s going to ask Padme about the education help the firm they both work in gives and apply at the local JC. She’s going to help Anakin and Padme plan their wedding and tease them mercilessly the mornings they both wake up with visible love marks. She’s going to continue helping Anakin with his physical therapy and get up the courage to ask him if he’s on medical leave or unemployed. She’s going to ask Obi-Wan about buying textbooks for cheap and how to write a kickass application essay so the admin at the JC overlook her shitty GPA and test scores.

Later today, she’s going to a graduation party with Rex and Cody. There’s going to be music and laughter and dancing and maybe pizza. Tomorrow, she and Padme have an appointment at Bed, Bath, & Beyond to start a Bridal Registry and they’ve already decided to make it a Girls Day Only – they’re going to get their nails done afterwards and maybe get a massage if they feel up to it. And then they will go home, where Ahsoka doesn’t have to fear anyone hurting her or screaming at her for no reason.

She is a high school graduate as of today and life is good.


End file.
